They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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