Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
