Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
