My first STD was from a foam party
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
