Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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