Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
