i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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