I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
