dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My vagina is officially offended.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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