my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
