there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
