Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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