how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And then the night went full on bisexual.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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