Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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