Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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