She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
