if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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