its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
handjob tips. give me some.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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