he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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