I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize