Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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