i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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