Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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