She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
