The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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