Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
