I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
