I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
