Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
