I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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