So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I look better un-naked...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
