i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
