Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
