There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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