theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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