Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
