dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize