I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
