the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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