are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Terrible idea I love it
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
