Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
