I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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