he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
