You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just found puke in my bra..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
