i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
