Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
