her vagine was all disorganized.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
a search helicopter?!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
