i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
