it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize