Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This is the high leading the old right now
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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