Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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