This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
