my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
