Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize