need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It's just like the Real World with babies
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
