I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
