Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
