just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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