i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
