Do you still have your period?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
