Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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