sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
