I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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