if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
